Sophie

She’s vicious, brash, impulsive, unpalatable

Manipulative on her best days

Passive and ill-tempered on her worst

I hate her, I am embarrassed of her, I hide her away, I suffocate her, I try not to let her see the light of day

She lurks in the dark corners of my room, calling my name softly and hauntingly. Creeping towards me in the dead of night on all fours, she threatens to scream out if I don’t let her hold me. She crawls into bed beside me: caresses me just when I think she’s gone, reminding me that she’s still there, grabbing at my hair, no matter how short I cut it. She whispers stories of the past into my right ear, hovering there to haunt me, to ground me, and to release me back into the world when daylight breaks. She cackles as my jaw clenches, patiently waiting for my teeth to crack under all the pressure. She waits until I’m asleep and then pushes me back and forth until I am dizzy with an overwhelming sense of fear.

Never vacant, my mind spirals, whirlpools of self-criticism flooding my already scrambled brain

Down up, down up, down up, down

UP

Always ready to split into two

But where the pink matter conjoins together

Its glued haphazardly, excess caulking pasted over the cracks

But still, despite the overflowing stickiness, it is threatening to fracture into two

I can’t tell us apart, where she ends I begin

Our shadows convulse together, shivering in the warmth of the night

We intertwine and the slick of my sweat transfers onto her 

Letting her know how she has succeeded tonight: encased me in terror

You win this time

See you tomorrow night